Divorcing Soon? Get a Sex Toy

At this firm, we care about more than just your legal outcome—we care about the mindset that gets you there. Clear thinking leads to better decisions, which leads to better results. That’s why we equip our clients with skills and tools that cut through the emotional fog divorce inevitably creates.

Sex during divorce is one of those topics attorneys rarely address. But it’s critically important. What follows may surprise you, but read on—it could save your divorce.

One Night Could Add Nine Months to Your Divorce

If you are capable of becoming pregnant—or if your doctor has indicated even a remote possibility—this warning is for you: pregnancy of one of the married parties during a divorce will almost certainly suspend the case for months.

Most judges will halt proceedings until the baby is born and a DNA test can determine whether the child is biologically related to your soon-to-be ex-husband. Only then can the court decide whether the child needs to be addressed in the divorce decree.

I’ve seen this happen when couples were days away from finalizing everything. It’s heartbreaking.

Why Sex with Your Spouse Is Playing with Fire

It happens more than you’d think: divorcing spouses still sleeping together. For countless reasons, this is ill-advised.

You’re in an adversarial process. Every interaction carries weight—spoken and unspoken. Sex muddies those waters considerably. Sometimes it signals to one spouse that they should soften their position and be more accommodating. Other times, the nature of that encounter makes the other spouse less amicable for the remainder of the proceedings.

If you’re seeking the benefits of sex, do not seek them from your soon-to-be ex.

New Relationships: More Expensive Than You Think

This isn’t about affair partners—this assumes your divorce has already commenced. And ideally, if you’re considering a new relationship, you’ve separated and are no longer living under the same roof as your spouse.

Even so, a new boyfriend or girlfriend can make your divorce significantly more difficult, longer, and more expensive. Just the knowledge that you’re already in another relationship can harden your spouse’s position and inflame negotiations.

Then there’s the financial exposure. Money spent on new partners—hotels, resorts, trips—can be construed as marital waste and held against you in property division. The same caution applies to hiring sex workers: it’s another opportunity to claim marital waste, with added concerns about pregnancy and STDs. The money you spend facilitating outside sex can compound your divorce costs considerably.

Your Children Don’t Need to Know

None of this adult information – outside relationships, sex, or the complications of the divorce – should ever reach your children. I don’t care how committed you are to honesty with your kids—adult issues are not theirs to carry.

You spent years spinning tales about Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny to protect their innocence. This is just another form of protection. Both parents should work to insulate children from information about new relationships, intimacy, and the complexities of adult separation.

The Need for Release Is Real—And Valid

There are many reasons divorcing spouses seek out new partners before the divorce is final. This post isn’t here to examine all of them. But some of those reasons involve the genuine psychological and neurological benefits of sexual release and connection.

Some people need that. Others don’t know how to function without it. Divorce often arrives too fast for you to go through the steps necessary to wean yourself off that necessity. It’s not quite an addiction, but it’s a particular comfort you may not want to live without—especially during one of the most stressful periods of your life.

The Solution That Protects Your Case

If this describes you, heed this advice at the outset of your divorce: invest in a sex toy—or several.

First, a few toys will cost a fraction of what a new relationship would. Whatever you spend upfront represents massive savings and headache relief down the road.

Second, there are no pregnancy concerns with sex toys.

Third, for those who need the psychological or neurological benefits of sexual release, modern toys can deliver—perhaps better than you’ve ever experienced. If that release brings you peace of mind, clears the brain fog, or provides comfort, it’s available at your fingertips, whenever you need it.

Fourth, it’s something you can do with ultimate privacy, in a manner that won’t get back to your soon-to-be ex-spouse or your children. No divorce complications.

You’re in Good Company

If you’re feeling any hesitation, consider this: the U.S. sex toy industry is a $10.6 billion economy as of 2024, with an estimated 1,482,000 toys sold every year. This is far more commonplace—for both men and women—than you might have thought.

Let go of any concerns about pride, shame, or embarrassment. This is about protecting your case and your mental clarity during a pivotal transition.

The Bottom Line

This isn’t strictly legal advice. But because we’re mindful of the whole person—and committed to setting you up for your best life after a successful divorce transition—this kind of advisory is essential for many people going through or about to go through divorce.

Get the clarity of mindset you need. Avoid the complications that could derail your case. And give yourself permission to take care of yourself in ways that won’t come back to haunt you.