What to Expect in Your Divorce

A successful divorce is comprised of three elements. If you miss any of the three, your divorce will likely become a living hell. I state “will”, not “may”, becoming a living hell as I’ve more than 20 years’ experience in the suffering & success of Minnesota divorce. 

Good Mindset Management

Think of Olympians for a moment. Do you think Michael Phelps spent four years caught up in the anxiety of what-ifs and worst-case solutions? Does Allyson Felix allow herself to be beset by all the stress during a competition? Perhaps Minnesota’s Lindsey Vonn starting down the slope is yet wholly demoralized from the fatigue? No, and neither should you. 

Olympians are successful because they keep their head screwed on straight. I have seen way too many divorce clients with great case facts nearly paralyzed by nervousness, sadness, tiredness, and spiraling thoughts that lead to horrible decisions for their children & themselves — decisions that do not serve their long-term needs. If you want what you deserve in your divorce, it’s essential to have the tools and skills to keep your mindset positive and resilient.

Staying Informed

Next, you need to start learning what you need to learn. You can’t possibly make good decisions on Custody and Parenting Time unless you understand the 12 statutory “factors” that govern these decisions. It does not matter how passionate you are about your divorce beliefs if they do not line up with Minnesota divorce law. As much as you don’t want to have to read statutes, you and your attorney need to work together so you can appreciate what the law requires and then tailor your facts and goals that will drive success in your case and beyond.

Yes, there will be a beyond, and now is the time to start thinking about it. What are the non-law skills and knowledge you’re going to need? If you haven’t been managing your income and monthly expenses, it’s time to figure that out. If you’re receiving a wide variety of retirement investments, you need to get connected with a financial advisor that works on the same wavelength you do. If you’ve deferred to your spouse the educational, medical, and psychological caretaking of your children, it’s time to remedy that. We share the law and make sound referrals for all of your other needs. 

Good Lawyering

There are so many aspects of this but with a 97% settlement rate, the most important is good legal counsel. You want an attorney with a perspective on how the law is applied, excellence at mediation, experience at trial, and knowledge of what a judge is likely to do. You want someone who will give you the very best legal advice on which of your claims are viable, which are dubious, and your chances both in mediation or if you go to trial. 

This means you want a lawyer with good “systems,” one who doesn’t rely on what they remember to remember but methodically follows a series of checklists and written best practices. Your attorney will be working on your case in conjunction with dozens of other cases they’re handling. Do you want an attorney juggling the information from those cases and yours, trusting that they’re going to think about and comprehensively recall without error every legal step and strategy that needs to happen in your matter? 

Further, those systems and written best practices should be designed and refined to give you the very best chance of getting your case resolved to your benefit and quickly. Not just because you want your divorce to be as short as possible, but because you recognize that you want this done right the first time … no fumbling for another half year while spending thousands of dollars in extra fees because the attorney wasn’t as prepared as they should have been.

If you’ve got excellent mindset management, you’re committed to learning all you need to make good decisions in your divorce and afterwards, and you’ve got great lawyering on your side, you’ll come away with a great divorce resolution and be able to move on to your next best life.