Curating Coparenting Changes to Finances

So when there’s reason to want to change some of the financial responsibilities for children because of a change in circumstances, there’s an approach of several prudent steps that should be used. Responsibilities I’m talking about include because there’s changed in daycare usage or provider, the dollars divided and shared need to change; Health insurance for the child has changed or should be changed by agreement of the parties; Other extracurricular expenses and activity fees, etc.

A) If you have joint legal custody, perhaps there’s the actual decision to make these changes (such as daycare providers, health insurance coverage, health insurance provider, to stop an extracurricular activity, etc.). Your specific custody or divorce decree should be consulted to determine what limitations there may be or freedoms to make those decisions unilaterally.

B) However, there’s a balancing act for how these legal custody topics are addressed in conjunction with the change in financial responsibilities. In some instances, it’s a whole lot easier to lock in the other parent on the logistical change, and only then address the updated financial terms and their new fiscal obligation. In other instances, it’s good to address both at the same time.

Frankly, the approach that’s going to be best for you is going to be governed based on what their personality is like, what your personality is like, what they’ve done in the past to disrespect the co-parenting relationship, whether they’ve stepped in it now with the current logistics change that’s needed, and how much they’ve made obvious that their decisions for these things are solely governed based on cost and not what’s best for your children.

C) The next consideration here is to adjust your mindset. This might not be a big deal. “Did you get any problem if we switch the kids’ daycare from the one they’re at to the one that’s across the street?” or “I’ve got health insurance through this job of mine, and we can move the kids now. Are you cool with that?” Simple pitches like these before you get amped up on arguments or assumptions that a court hearing is going to need to be involved can oftentimes be surprising. 

But more to the point, you’re still obliged to have these sorts of co-parenting conversations even if you know that they are dead in the water before you ever send that text or make that phone call. You want to do these so that there’s no chance the other side has the opportunity to credibly claim they are blindsided by for the motions to be heard at a hearing date or dumbstruck for why you’re requesting mediation. 

Moreso, when they take you up on the conversation to start fleshing out the pros and cons as well as asking you about expenses, you’ve got to play that out. Again, it very well could lead to an easy agreement. But nonetheless, it’s important to be on that high road later on at mediation or the court hearing where you answered every question and you addressed every position showing why it’s just advantageous relative to your proposal so that you are on the high road and they are not. 

D) Only after this sort of full discussion do we determine whether this is something that the court will expect the parties to mediate or for which you’re allowed to go directly to a court hearing for. For instance, for topics that are just purely the recalculation of basic support, medical support, childcare support, or pick’s division of other expenses you can often go straight to the judge. However, if there’s a co-parenting disagreement as to day care providers, health insurance coverage, extracurricular providers, etc., you’re going to need mediation.