Self-Care: How To Fully Care For Yourself As Your Family Evolves

Every divorce or family evolution is different, but they all have one thing in common:  the need for self-care as you navigate this uncharted territory. Of course, self-care is always important, but throw a family law process into the mix and it becomes imperative. Let’s talk about how to better care for yourself during this difficult time.

First and foremost, let me explain that when I say “self-care,” I’m not just talking about happy hours and massages. Truly taking care of yourself is about more than resting and rejuvenating after enduring the stressors in your life. Comprehensive self-care is about creating a life that limits those stresses in the first place. The way I see it, there are three parts of self-care:

1. Respect Yourself

2. Protect Yourself

3. Invest In Yourself

What does it mean to respect yourself?

It starts with that voice in your head. That little voice should be compassionate and encouraging. If it’s not, you can reprogram it. Especially during trying times, you need to talk to yourself like you would a beloved friend or family member. Respecting yourself is also about caring for your physical needs, such as eating healthy food to fuel you and resting to recharge your batteries. Other ways to respect yourself include honoring your emotions, seeking support when necessary, and placing yourself in a nurturing environment whenever possible.

What does it mean to protect yourself?

Protecting yourself is all about having good boundaries. Think about setting boundaries around your personal space:  who has a key to your home? Do you have a place to go when you need to think or cry? Digital boundaries also deserve consideration. Don’t forget to update passwords and privacy settings. Good boundaries also protect you in your relationships. Consider who has “security clearance” to receive your secrets. Structure communications with your ex in a way that mitigates the risk of increased conflict. Know your appetite for engagement and activity, and say “no” when necessary. Protecting yourself preserves your energy and helps you heal.

And finally, what does it mean to invest in yourself?

Simply put, investing in yourself means devoting present-day resources to the person you will be in the future. It means dreaming about your life on the other side of this process, and taking steps today that will bring that life to fruition. You might begin saving differently for your desired retirement abroad. You could choose to enhance your education so you can move ahead in your career. And if Future You is going to run a marathon, Present-Day You might run two miles as you work toward the larger goal.

By adhering to a more comprehensive way of looking at self-care, you’ll find that you’re a bit happier, that you feel a little safer, and that you’re motivated to keep going. As time goes by, you’ll notice gains in various aspects of your life as well as a sense of empowerment and a duty to continue caring for yourself. When others notice your progress, you can tell them, “Self-care is about more than happy hours and massages.”

This article was written by our client-coach, Tara Eisenhard. To learn more about Tara and her process click here.