The GOOD Divorce Principles

I’ve witnessed several good divorces over the years. When I became a Divorce Coach, I wanted to create simple tools to help people understand the power they have over their process. After some reflection on what I’d seen, the GOOD Divorce Principles were born. Let’s look at them in more detail.

G Is For Goals:

Goals are important in divorce because, without a target to aim for, it’s easy to get off track. Given the emotionally-charged nature of a divorce process, many hours can be wasted in pointless arguments, blaming, shaming, and reviewing or revising the past. This time would be better spent focusing on the future. Goals can help you stay grounded, motivated, and optimistic. Family goals can provide a sense of security, purpose, and camaraderie for children. Take some time to set SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-Bound) goals around your divorce process, your family, and your future.

O Is For Observation (Without Judgment):

I’ll be the first to admit, this one is hard. As human beings, we need stories to make sense of the world around us. However, sometimes stories can get out of control:  the wind blows a door shut and someone assumes another person slammed it in anger… Before long, a heated exchange is underway, and it’s all based on assumptions and reactions. As information comes to light in your process, it’s a good idea to focus on the facts. Observe what is audio/video recordable and be mindful of how you explain things to yourself. Remember that you don’t know what’s going on in another person’s head. When necessary, ask for clarity to gain a more complete understanding of a situation.

O Is For Options:

When presented with new information, you might be tempted to indulge a knee-jerk reaction. But is that the best way to handle the situation? Before taking action, take some time to consider all of the options available to you. Go ahead and brainstorm the most wild to the most reasonable courses of action. Then ask yourself, “what option will get me closest to my goals?” By examining your options and measuring potential outcomes against your goals, you can take informed action to make progress on your path forward.

D Is For Dignity:

This one is very personal. What does the word “dignity” mean to you? Do you have a personal code of conduct?  Following the three steps above can help you keep your dignity intact, but is there more you can do? If you have children, think about their dignity as well. How do you want them to feel about themselves and their family as a result of this reorganization? How do you want others to see them? You might choose to point to the many “teachable moments” that come with divorce to discuss topics such as conflict, respect, and communication with your children, to help them grow through this experience.

Written by Tara Eisenhard. For a deeper dive into this principle, check out the corresponding videos that go with this article on our YouTube account.